Sweetie Pie..She lived up to her name

Sweetie Pie 1995-2013

(Thought I'd posted this yesterday but I didn't so I'm posting the day after Sweetie Pies crossing over the Rainbow Bridge)

No matter how much you prepare yourself for it and KNOW in your heart it's for the best and you're doing the right thing, it's never, ever easy to say goodbye to a beloved animal companion. This morning I took my cat Sweetie Pie to the vet KNOWING I would probably NOT be bringing her home. Initially it was for the Vet to look at the open wound on her neck which never seemed to heal. I kept a sock on her back paw to help keep her from scratching the scab off. And it seemed to be helping since she hadn't scratched it off. It was the cost of the surgery that I was concerned about. I didn't feel it was fair to her to have her continue going around with the open wound and was prepared to "put her out of her misery". She's always been a quiet cat, very seldom meowing until the last year when she seemed to be more "demanding". She'd always been a cat who liked a lot of attention but lately it was constantly.
So I made the appointment with Sunburst Animal Hospital for this morning. When Dr. Stevens first started to examine the wound and I told him how much another Vet told me surgery would be, he scoffed at it and said it would cost a little over $100.00 to have the wound closed up. Which did raise my hopes just a little, that is until he examined her abdomen and felt the hard mass that was there. I had noticed it myself in the respect that her "tummy" seemed awfully hard. When they weighed her she'd gained a pound, and I was thrilled, at first, until the Doctor told me it was most likely the mass that had caused the weight gain. He also told me that while I could wait to ease her suffering (she's probably been in pain for awhile and I just attributed the meowing to the wound making her uncomfortable) her quality of life wouldn't be good. So I held her while he gave her the injection saying my final farewells to this wonderful being. She did live up to her name. And what I found interesting is that SHE was not ready to go.

Up until today she'd never been antsy when she went to the Vet. Always sitting quietly in my arms but today she wanted to leave, climbing up onto my shoulders and holding on tightly; I had to literally pry her off me (thankfully I'd clipped her claws recently). Still, I KNOW I did the right thing but it was still hard to say goodbye. I will miss her so much. She was my smallest cat...she'd sit on the back of my chair or get up on my shoulders while I sat here on the computer. She'd "paw" at my face in the mornings wanting me to get up and feed her. At night she'd follow me to bed (or meow and TELL me it was time to go to bed) and sleep on my right side and cuddle. Or get on my chest and rub her face against my nose (she nipped my nose the other day when I didn't pet her quick enough LOL) when she wanted attention. I often wonder why I put myself through this each and every time; after all it would be so much easier NOT to have animals because I wouldn't have to deal with the pain of saying goodbye to them. And yet, the joy they give me when I look into their eyes, and stroke their fur and the warmth of their small bodies as they lie beside me or on top of me is immense. Life without them would be so empty, which is why I would have to find some way to keep my animals if and when we have to move. Perhaps I'm being silly and sentimental, but I really don't care. Sweetie Pie was my eldest "daughter", I loved her dearly and she had a good life with us (she was a rescue from the Arizona Humane Society). She was 17, and as I said, though I was prepared to let her go, it still left a gap in my heart that can never be filled.  What I do find ironic is that back in June, when I took her to the Vet she didn't have the mass in her abdomen. In fact I was told her kidneys felt normal for a cat her age and the Vet was even surprised. The only thing "wrong" with her then was she needed her teeth seen to and the wound and that it was going to cost me over $1000.00 to have her taken care of and I simply didn't have it. I wonder if it would have made any difference if I had done her surgery last year if it would have helped extend her life at all?
Back when I first brought her home from the Humane Society I wrote a poem about her. Back then she was afraid of every little noise and would go and hide behind something, usually the couch. This is the poem I wrote about her entitled FRAIDY CAT.

                                                You're such a little fraidy cat
                                                Jumping at every little noise like that
                                                You disappear from my side at a child's cry outside
                                                Every little sound makes you want to run and hide.

                                                I wonder what kind of life you had
                                                Before I saw you makes me sad
                                                You find a dark corner and there you stay
                                                Hoping the bad sounds will go away.

                                                Let me hold you dear little one and stroke your fur
                                                And hear your happy little purr
                                                Allow me to give you a lot of love and affection
                                                I promise sweet cat there will be no more rejection.

                                                Trust me Sweetie Pie it will be okay
                                                I will make those bad sounds go away.
                                                In my arms you will always be safe
                                               And no longer be a scared little waif.

I bought this My Little Pony from Savers with the intention of selling it on Ebay, which I did. But before I cleaned and and listed it, Sweetie took a shine to it, rubbing her head against it. I call the photo: Sweetie's Little Pony. 

One of the numerous things I will miss about her is how she loved to cuddle with the other cats. Before Flaky passed away she was his cuddle bunny. Then when we introduced Drooler into our household she shared cuddling time with him. Of course when Flaky was no longer with us, she cuddled all the time with Drooler. He would be lying in a chair and pretty much take up the entire thing (he is a large cat) and she'd insinuate herself near him and I'd find him wrapped around her and if you were viewing him from the other side you'd think he was there alone until she popped her head up. I am sure he will miss her too. It seemed for awhile today as if he were looking for her as he went from room to room and seemed restless. 

Cuddle bunnies

Now Drooler is my oldest cat. Aside from Kitty, the newest, he seems healthy but having lost two cats within a 10 month period, I worry is he going to be next? Or will it be Chance? I can't imagine being without my "babies". And though I KNOW it would be much cheaper and easier on our finances to be without the animals, I can't imagine my life without them in it. 

 I will especially miss Sweetie Pie on Thanksgivng. She loved turkey and is the only one of my cats who would eat from my hand and do what I call "the turkey dance" since she'd get on her hind legs and turn around as I held the turkey above her head. I will miss you Sweetie.

On the day I took this video she had done the Turkey dance right before I thought to film her. She decided NOT to do it for the camera. LOL Still she is the only one who stood on their hind legs and  reached for the treat. 

TIL  NEXT TIME

ALOHA

TRYING TO BE POSITIVE

It's almost the end of November and our years lease is up at the end of the month. Although we have asked to sign another years lease, we have so far been butting our heads against a brick wall. The last communication from the lawyer who owns the house was "Stand by". What the devil does that mean?? In the meantime we are left in limbo wondering if we are going to be homeless next month. We'd like to rent to own the house if at all possible, or at least given the opportunity to get a loan to buy the house.

The whole situation has left me feeling despondent and depressed. I keep praying for a ray of hope, something to gladden my heart but so far things have gotten worse and not better. The only "ray of hope" was when we signed a years lease. But soon after that the car was repossessed and as I've already reported, lost my cat Snowbelle. Of course Kitty is in our lives now, which did ease the pain of Snowbelle's passing. Which brings me to the point of: Why would God put Kitty in our path, have us take care of her, only to have to turn her over to the Arizona Humane Society?  It just doesn't make any sense. Why give her a home only to have that home taken away?

From Katy Keene No. 23

I know this is the time of year to be "jolly" but I just can't seem to get into the spirit of the season. I feel more like Scrooge or the Grinch rather than Jolly St. Nick. I've been packing our things but at this point I don't even care if everything is left behind. We simply DON'T have the money to move...there are so many fees and deposits and costs that go into moving that there isn't any money to even get an apartment. We've sought help from various agencies...ACHSSES, VA, SS DISABILITY but we don't qualify for any of the programs that supposedly are available for people like us who are struggling to make ends meet. It's caused me to feel sick to my stomach constantly to the point where I don't want to eat, and being diabetic I need to consume something. I've never looked my age, always looked younger but I've noticed that my face is beginning to show the strain and I look OLDER than my years. I just can't seem to help feeling anxious, uncertain, frightened. I admire my husband who has remained fairly calm about the fix we find ourselves in and thinks, most of the time, that I'm simply being silly and childish and worrying about nothing.  We don't want a hand out, just the opportunity to purchase the home.

Katy Keene Spectacular

Thought I'd share more Katy's with you. Sorry for the depressing vibe of the blog today but our situation here is weighing heavily on my mind. In keeping with the "cowgirl" theme of yesterday, here is another paper doll with Katy sporting western. I'll be working on coloring page version of both the pin-up and the paper doll.

Well, can't think of anything else to write. It may not seem like it but I sincerely do try to keep a positive attitude about our situation as it stands now but there are some days when it's just to difficult when I don't really see a light a the end of the tunnel.

Til next time...


                                                          ALOHA

Sweetie Pie

I know I've been awfully remiss about posting on my blog, but it's been a stressful month or so since Snowbelle had to be put to sleep. It's now my beloved cat Sweetie Pie who needs serious attention and I'm unable to give it to her. Mainly finances.

She has a wound on her neck caused by my male Drooler mounting her, or at least trying to. I don't think he has ever realized that he's a fixed male and isn't supposed to be doing that any more. In his attempt to mount her, over the years, a cyst developed on her neck that eventually broke open a few months ago. Although I pointed it out to the Vet at Sunburst Animal Hospital when I took her in a year ago, I was told, kindly enough, that it wasn't anything to worry about. Well, it's turned into something to worry about. To make matters worse, she needs her teeth seen to which will cost an extra $400.00, topping the bill to a whopping $1000.00, which, of course, I don't have and won't have any time soon.

Sweetie is 17. I KNOW she's an older cat with only a few more years to live. But for the wound on her neck and her teeth she's relatively healthy with none of the symptoms that normally plague a cat of her age.
Or so the vets have told me. If I'd known, back when I'd first gone to the Arizona Humane Society and adopted her, I would be in this situation years down the line, I would have NEVER went and definitely wouldn't have adopted her. I've always prided myself on the ability to look after my animals with love and the proper care. I can still give them love, but now, unfortunately,  not the proper care. Don't get me wrong, I don't in the least regret adopting Sweetie. She's been such a joy in our household, but when she needs care I can't give it to her.

I'd thought "If I could just save enough to get her teeth taken care of, that would give me time to save for the surgery on her neck." But it hasn't happened. I've made over $400.00 on Ebay selling my Star Wars collection and various other things that I own and I have NOTHING to show for it. What have I spent it on you ask? Food. When my husband doesn't have enough to stretch for sustenance I supply it with what I've made on Ebay. I also have to put money aside each month to pay for Snowbelle's vet bill among other bills that need to be taken care of to the point where I just can't seem to save enough no matter how hard I try. It's frustrating and depressing to the point where I find myself weeping helplessly when I'm by myself trying to figure out how in the heck I'm going to save Sweetie.

My husband thinks I over dramatize the situation with Sweetie Pie when I tell him that if I don't have at least her teeth taken care of she will starve and die. Well before that happens I'll put her to sleep as that is a HORRIBLE way to die. She's four pounds now, her ideal weight is 8 lbs. She IS eating but I watch her as she is doing so and can see that she has difficulty chewing her food. I would like to get her teeth taken care of before the bad one becomes abscessed. We humans, when we have a bad tooth, or teeth that are giving us grief simply chew on the other side of our mouth, I'm not sure if Sweetie is doing that. I watch her and it does seem as if she's trying to chew on the side with the bad tooth and half chewing and spitting her food out when she does.

I have debated if the kindest thing I could do for her at this point is to put her to sleep as I don't see myself having the funds any time soon to get her teeth taken care of. It breaks my heart to even contemplate doing such a thing as she is still in relatively good health, all things considered. I keep hoping that any day now I'll get a call from the numerous businesses I've sent out my resume to saying to come in for a personal interview and that I in turn have a job. But it hasn't happened. I'm unsure what to do. I really have no where to turn and no means to have her taken care of properly. I know, as I stated, that the kindest thing would be to put her to sleep rather than slowly watch her suffer with the inability to eat properly or that bad tooth finally abscessing. She is truly a Sweetie Pie and though it pains me to say it, I honestly wish I had never adopted her.

One last thing before I end this posting of my blog...a coloring page featuring Sweetie in a regal pose. All my cats are my models in one form or another when I draw felines. She was younger when I did this drawing and sitting on the VCR if I'm not mistaken. I'd intended to add this drawing to a coloring book of cats that I was developing but probably won't finish it. Why? Well there are tons of coloring books featuring cats and I don't have the money to have it done up any way. LOL