The worst it's ever been....

Well, here I am again, blogging to probably nobody but I had to write down what I was thinking about today. I had a bit of a fright late this morning...I heard a knock on my front door and didn't answer it. Why? Well, I wasn't expecting any one and my friends will usually call me before coming over. And I know their cars so will open the door for them. I didn't know the car sitting in the drive way and wasn't in the mood for solicitors. I don't have money to buy anything anyway.

I don't think, however, that the gentleman (and I use the term loosely) was a solicitor. We, because of me, are having financial difficulties and may loose our house. I THINK the person was from our Mortgage company, although there was no note left on the door that I was aware of. What gave me the fright was the man came into our backyard. Which is the first time that has ever happened. He left the gate open, tried to get into the house via the arcadia door (the screen was left open which is how I knew he'd tried the door) and my husbands saw horse was left in the yard rather than on the back porch. I did observe him taking photos of the front of the house which makes me think he was sent from the mortgage company or some mortgage company wanting to sell our home.

So why is this all my fault? Well, back in March I did a really stupid, STUPID thing during my 15 minute break...I gave a pain killer to a customer. It's a no no and against company policy. You aren't supposed to share pain killers, aspirin, ibuprofen, or any drug with anyone, customer or employee, but it is done anyway. I didn't think anything of it because I was thinking with my heart and not logically. The customer could have had a bad reaction to the pill I gave her, though she assured me that it was okay.

My suspicion is that her husband called the next day to "sue the company". I recognized his voice over the phone when he asked to speak with a member of management. 5 minutes after the manager had gotten off the phone I was called to the back and informed that a customer complained about me giving a drug to a another customer. I was honest (NOT a good thing when your job is on the line...when it is LIE through your teeth DO NOT tell the truth) and told Jeanna that I did give the lady a pain reliever. Two days latter I was given my walking papers without possible rehire. Which rather sucks because I'd been with the company 16 years and you would think that would count for something. In all those 16 years I'd never done anything THAT bad. I was also good at what I did which was customer service and answering phone calls. Which, even though I complained at times, I did enjoy the work. I was glad to have it considering I have a deformed foot and can't stand on it for long periods of time.

So this year is the worst it's ever been for us. In the whole time we've been married we've never NOT had a Thanksgiving in some form or another. I enjoy fixing the dinner and rather get a kick out of serving my husband his meal. It's the only time (other than Christmas and his birthday) where he doesn't have to move from in front of the television to get his meal. The rest of the year he can get it himself. :)

I just wish there was some way I could get us out of the situation I find us in. Make no mistake, it IS my fault, which is why I keep hoping someone will call me with a job and though I've had a couple of nibbles to my applications, nothing has panned out. I don't know if it's my experience, my looks, or my age that is keeping them from hiring me. Yes, I'm older but I am young at heart and for the most part am healthy. I try not to get depressed about our situation but it's hard to be optimistic when in the last 8 months, nothing job wise has turned up and the one job I did have (another story entirely) turned out to be a scam. It's so difficult to not feel defeated and if I thought, for a moment, that leaving my husband would help, I would do it. I'd rather carry the burden alone rather than drag him down with me. He's a good man, and though we've had our arguments he's a good man and doesn't deserve this.

If we loose this house it will be MY FAULT entirely because if I had NOT given the pain reliever to the customer I would still have my job at Walmart answering the phones and gearing up for the holiday rush. Probably be asked to man the phone on Black Friday morning because I can handle the pressure of the phone calls and the demands of customers on the floor. I really was good at my job and really miss working there and if I don't stop thinking about it I'm going to end up shorting out my keyboard. LOL

On a lighter note...the paper doll for today is one from my collection of news paper ones. I don't know what year this was published but the date was 11/20. The artist is Lucy Leary.